Dealing With Unanswered Prayer: The Pain Of "Radical Faith"

Let me tell you the story of someone I know quite well and what she learned from dealing with unanswered prayer. She grew up in the faith, hearing all the miracles in the Bible, personal testimonies, and missionary stories. She was impressed with accounts of conversion, healing, protection, and provision as direct answers to prayer. She listened closely to the stories of “prayer warriors” because she wanted to be mighty in prayer. She greatly desired to see circumstances change before her very eyes in answer to her prayers.

She made a lengthy prayer list of names with specific requests, usually for healing or conversion. However, as time went on, the unconverted people on her list remained so, and no miraculous healings happened— only natural-looking recoveries, while some individuals remained unhealed and died. As these “unanswered” prayers added up, she eventually threw away her list simply because it had grown to be too much of a burden as well as a source of discouragement. She did not stop praying, though; she just prayed in a less structured, more spontaneous way. Still, she questioned whether “prayer warrior” might not be her gift, or if she had sinned or failed to forgive someone, making her prayers ineffective.

Eventually, she experienced some deep personal losses despite continued prayer and living as sincerely as she knew how. Her devotional life became inconsistent, and her mind was clouded with discouragement, but she refused to give up faith. She knew that the Bible had never let her down, even though she felt like prayer had, so she decided something must be wrong with her expectations of prayer.

She knew her heart could not take one more “unanswered” prayer — it was too raw and fragile. So, for a season, she purposed in her heart to only pray “safe prayers”: prayers for “invisible” blessings like comfort and strength, prayers of gratitude for all the blessings she did have, and finally prayers where she gave situations to God with zero expectations regarding outcomes. During this time, she did not ask for healings or conversions or for anything to change outside of her control. Instead, she simply told God about the situation.

Eventually, prayer started to feel safer. She began asking for invisible blessings for other people, and then opportunities for conversion— leaving it up to the individual whether to change, and deliberately deciding not to “hold her breath” over their choice. Finally, she was able to ask again for healing alongside those invisible blessings, leaving the outcome entirely in God’s hands.

If you haven’t guessed yet, that someone was me.

“Unanswered Prayer”, Presumption & True Faith

Jesus Himself, in His humanness, asked if it were possible to avoid the cup of suffering when faced with the cross, but then immediately gave God full control of the situation. “And he said, Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt.” (Mark 14:36) In this famous, heart-agonizing prayer, He told God how he felt, pouring out his heart without filter; then he tempered his expectations and his prayer with faithful submission.

Faith says, “I will serve God. I know He is able to change this situation, but even if He chooses not to, I will still serve Him.” Like the three Hebrew boys Hananiah, Azariah, and Mishael, better known as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who said this very thing before Nebuchadnezzar (Daniel 3:17 –18).

Presumption counts on God for one outcome. It’s like trying to use your prayers and faith to control reality. Satan tempted Jesus to practice this “radical” faith by telling Him to throw Himself off the temple, and according to a promise of God, angels would bear Him up.

Naaman had crossed into presumption by setting his heart not only on the outcome but also on how his healing would come about (2 Kings 5:11). His presumptuous pride almost prevented him from obeying and receiving his miraculous answer to prayer.

True faith and sincere prayer are always about having a relationship with God, never about controlling situations or other people. “Prayer does not bring God down to us, but brings us up to Him.” (Steps to Christ, p. 93) It does not control God or change Him, because He is perfect and unchanging.

Prayer changes us, from the inside out, and gives us the wisdom to overcome sin in our own situation through His Spirit and application of His word. As it says in Philippians 2:12-13, “… work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.”

God already paid the price; Jesus did everything to secure our salvation at the cross. He died to give us the chance to stand once again at the fruit of the tree of knowledge and to say I choose Life; I choose God’s way. As we pray, our hearts become more receptive to His Spirit that changes us from the inside out. Just like the wind that we don’t see, but we certainly know its effects (John 3:8).

Dealing with Unanswered Prayer in a Broken World

We need to stop teaching people to pray with presumption paraded as “radical faith”. Thinking you can out-pray any negative events in your reality in this sinful world is not just naïve; it is prideful. All of us are caught in the crossfire between good and evil. Solomon’s wisdom noted that, time and chance happen to all (Ecclesiastes 9:11) and this life is a “war from which there is no discharge”(Ecclesiastes 8:8). Paul expands on this theme, asking Timothy to endure hardness as a good soldier (2 Timothy 2:3), and reminding us to put on the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6:11). All of us will experience pain, trials, suffering, and loss in this world under the shadow of death.

Do you know why fairy tales are so universally appealing? It is because no matter what troubles the main characters go through, you know they will always end up with their true love and live happily ever after. You can work through the difficult parts of the story because you know that somehow the characters will get through it, and the long-expected happy ending will make everything alright. That’s how it should be with us: no matter what adversity we face, we know we can get through it with our True Love because our happily ever after is coming.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,” saith the LORD, “thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”
Jeremiah 29:11

P.S. If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one or the loss of a pregnancy, you might find comfort in what I learned about the Book of Life while desperately searching the Bible for answers after my own miscarriage.