I used to be boy crazy, obsessed with the idea of my ‘Prince Charming’ and a storybook ‘happily ever after.’ My plan was simple: turn eighteen, start dating, and get married. But as my walk with God deepened, I realized that true love’s story can’t be rushed; a big part of true love is learning to wait.

Building a Foundation of Faith and Setting High Standards

I can’t remember a time I had not given my heart to Jesus. I always wanted to be with him in heaven and was afraid of not making it, so I rededicated my heart often. When I was around 8 or 9 years old, I tried to witness to an extended family member and didn’t know enough of the Bible to defend my faith when she brought up another verse (out of context). I knew enough at the time to know she was wrong, but not enough to explain how. This experience made me want to know the Bible for myself, so I could explain exactly why I believed what I believed according to the Bible and the Bible alone.

I eagerly read all the devotional material I could get my hands on as a child and read the texts in the Bible for myself. I fact-checked everything with the Bible and found myself understanding it more and more. Eventually, Mom started using me like a concordance, asking me where this or that verse was. Sometimes she would have a really obscure clue for me. “You know that verse that says…” insert my Mom’s paraphrased understanding of the verse, that rarely included any of the same words the verse did, although the meaning was intact.

That foundation of deep personal Bible study led me to set high standards for my future. Shortly before my sixteenth birthday, my mom found the Christian film based on a true story called Pamela’s Prayer. She makes a promise not to kiss until her wedding day, and it helps her find the right guy to marry. It’s a beautiful story. Inspired by the story, I also committed not to kiss until my wedding day.

Studying what the Bible teaches about marriage and noting examples of marriage in the Bible, I realized that the single most important factor in a good relationship is being “equally yoked” in faith (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). I also noted that the more values and goals you had in common, the better. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Amos 3:3

I didn’t want to waste time dating or marrying “the wrong person”; I wanted to live “happily ever after” when the time came. I studied the characters of people I knew, married and unmarried, and quietly judged them and their relationships with other people by the Bible. I would purpose in my heart not to fall for someone with this or that character flaw. I came to value honesty above all else. After all, relationships are built on trust, and I knew I could never trust a liar.

While I was still a teenager, I would claim this verse in prayer over whoever my future husband would be: “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.” Song of Solomon 8:6-7 I understood that in Bible prophecy, waters represent people (Revelation 17:15), so I claimed this verse, asking God that it wouldn’t matter how many people my husband met, he would be sealed for me.

The Long Wait: Career, Discouragement, and Prayer

When I finally became an adult, I focused on building my career. I completed my one-year program as a Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN) in 2015 and started working at a local nursing home at the beginning of 2016.

My career continued to grow even as I waited. I started taking prerequisite classes toward getting my associate’s degree, and eventually completed the one-year LPN-to-RN bridge program. I graduated as a Registered Nurse (RN) in May of 2019, continuing to work for the same local nursing home throughout my schooling and afterward.

By the time the pandemic hit in 2020, I had been working steadily in healthcare and focusing on my professional goals for over four years. My life was full, yet the achy longing in my heart often reminded me that I was still waiting to find my partner, and I felt a growing sense of discouragement.

Along this journey, there were a few guys in and out of church (mostly outside of church) who tried to ask me out or pursue me in some way, but I always turned each one down due to this or that flaw in their character, life choices, or simply because I wasn’t attracted to them. I got discouraged by the lack of young adult single men in the church.

Some very good books helped me in my season of discouragement and waiting, especially the book titled Lady In Waiting (Developing Your Love Relationships) by Debby Jones and Jackie Kendall. Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard was also comforting to me in my single walk with God.

When waiting felt long with no end in sight, I remembered a story about a man who prayed for a bike for work. I think the story was in China. He had prayed and prayed, but God still hadn’t given him the much-needed transportation. Discouraged, he asked God what the delay was, and he felt impressed that he hadn’t specified what kind of bike he wanted. He told God the exact bike he preferred and ended up receiving it the very next day. I don’t know if this is even a true story, but it inspired me to write out what I was looking for in a husband-to-be.

My Mr Right

(Written December 2018)

You are an Adventist man;
You always do the best you can. 

You hide God’s word inside your heart, and from God's commands you will not part.

You like kids and someday want your own to raise for the glory of God alone. 

You enjoy the outdoors and country life,
Away from the city with its bustle and strife.

You are the man I’m waiting for. I understand fairy tales are a thing of lore.

What if I’m an unrealistic idealist?
What if you don’t even exist? 

Even so, I couldn’t settle for less;
I’m not a weak damsel in distress, 
I’m God’s warrior princess. 

God has not forgotten me,
So I will try to have chosen to wait patiently,
And someday in God’s will I’ll see:

That you’ve been waiting for me, 
As I have been waiting for you.
It will be worth the wait for love that’s true. 

My entire wait was not so perfect and faith-filled, though. I was often unhappy, envious of other young couples, and even had a peak of doubt, discouragement, and frustration that caused me to speak the faithless words, “There are no men in the Adventist church. You either have to settle or remain single.” I later fiercely regretted this and have often wondered if my words contributed to someone close to me making some poor relationship decisions at that time.

“When Satan tempts you, breathe not a word of doubt or darkness. If you choose to open the door to his suggestions, your mind will be filled with distrust and rebellious questioning. If you talk out your feelings, every doubt you express not only reacts upon yourself, but it is a seed that will germinate and bear fruit in the life of others, and it may be impossible to counteract the influence of your words. You yourself may be able to recover from the season of temptation and from the snare of Satan, but others who have been swayed by your influence may not be able to escape from the unbelief you have suggested. How important that we speak only those things that will give spiritual strength and life!
…
Let your conversation be of Him who liveth to make intercession for you before the Father. When you take the hand of a friend, let praise to God be on your lips and in your heart. This will attract his thoughts to Jesus. 
All have trials; griefs hard to bear, temptations hard to resist. Do not tell your troubles to your fellow mortals, but carry everything to God in prayer. Make it a rule never to utter one word of doubt or discouragement. You can do much to brighten the life of others and strengthen their efforts, by words of hope and holy cheer.”

Steps to Christ page 119

There were only a few verses that were able to pull me out of my discouragement at the time when the waiting seemed endless and hope was difficult to hang onto.

“He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?”
Romans 8:32
“… there shall the vultures also be gathered, every one with her mate. Seek ye out of the book of the LORD, and read: no one of these shall fail, none shall want her mate: for My mouth it hath commanded, and His spirit it hath gathered them.”
Isaiah 34:15-16

KJV

I did a quick Google search and found out that most vultures, and especially the griffon vulture found in Israel, mate for life. I remembered Jesus’ words, “Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:31, I figured it was not too much of a jump to assume I was worth more than other types of birds. Also, Jesus, the Son of God, died for me! If God did that, I figured it was not too much to ask for him to spare me one of his earthly sons to love and share a life with.

Even so, I wondered if I was meant to have a calling that didn’t include marriage. I thought of Amy Carmichael, one of my favorite missionaries. In one of my prayers, I told God I wanted my calling to be made clearer over the next year, when I would turn 25. I figured that He could either put it in my heart that I wasn’t meant for married and help me grieve, and then accept that, or help bring me a husband, or give me some sort of indication that the wait wouldn’t be too much longer. I guess at this point I was begging, if you don’t mind, to let me know what your answer is: yes, no, or wait, in the next year, it would really help me.

The next year just happened to be 2020, the year of the pandemic. As a Registered Nurse in long-term care, I stayed very busy. The rules were always changing regarding social distancing, quarantine, and infection control recommendations. Plus I would work any shift that wasn’t covered, almost never saying no.

God Uses Mom to set up a Blind “Date”

In late 2019, my family moved to a new house. My Dad had recently had meniscus surgery for his knee and ended up falling through the back raised deck on his surgery knee. Every year before this, he had cut all our firewood, but this winter decided to buy some; he called a number he had seen on a sign beside the highway on the way home from work. All through the winter, whenever we needed more wood, he’d call that number, and one of my siblings and my Mom would usually go. I never went because I was working evening shift at the time, and Dad was picking it up after work.

The people they got the wood from were a father and son. The father talked about the beauty of a certain snow he witnessed, alluding to their amazing design, but in a gentle way so that if my parents didn’t believe in the Creator, they wouldn’t be put off by it. On the way home, my mom said, “I believe they are Christians.” “They’re some of the nicest people I’ve ever met,” my dad agreed.

Mom felt impressed that she should tell the son about me. She asked Dad if we were going to get another load of wood from them because winter was about over, and she didn’t think she’d see them again. He said that was all we needed. Mom told God that she wouldn’t have an opportunity to talk to him about me. Later that evening, she felt impressed again and told God to have Dad get another load of wood if He wanted her to talk to the young man about me. She left the fleece before the Lord, and after going to bed, Dad said, “You know what, I think I will get one more load from them.”

My mom did not tell Dad or my little sister what she was going to do. This time, when they picked up the wood, it was just the young man, Carson; his dad wasn’t with him this time, which made Mom feel a little more comfortable taking over the conversation. She asked if his family was Christian, and he said, “We try to be.” She then asked if he was single, yes, and if he had a girlfriend, no. Then she launched into a speech that started with, “I have a daughter…” She was armed with cell phone pics of me and proceeded to tell him all about the things that had kept me single so far: Our religion and subsequent lifestyle, honoring God by keeping the sabbath, not eating unclean meats, at the time I was also a vegetarian of 12 years, not dating except to marry, and choosing not to kiss until my wedding day. As a mother, she also bragged on many of my positive traits and a few of my achievements from college and at work. She ended with “So, what do you think?” Carson, completely taken off guard, replied that he would have to think about it. They finished loading the wood within a few more minutes. Everyone had continued loading wood while Mom was talking, especially Dad and my sister, who wanted to get out of this socially awkward situation. My Mom asked again, “So, what do you think?” Baffled by my mom’s directness, Carson was unsure how to answer. So my Dad cut off the conversation, recalling how he had smashed his thumb earlier in the day and that he should probably leave and put something more on it because it was throbbing again.

I was later told the story of what happened, and I was embarrassed just listening. I thanked my mom, then asked her to please never do that again. She said, “I won’t,” cheerfully and with a bright smile. I narrowed my eyes at her, surprised she thought she could commit to that, knowing she totally would do it again in a similar circumstance.

Around a week later, my dad got a voicemail from Carson saying he would like to meet me if that was alright. I was shocked because I had already decided he wouldn’t call. My Dad asked to make sure everything was alright with me, and I agreed to meet him.

We made careful preparation for that Sunday in May when Carson and I would first meet. The house was thoroughly cleaned, Dad made sure ahead of time we were caught up on mowing and weed-eating, we even got a new set of outdoor games for the occasion, and my mom, sister, and I worked together to make a meal from scratch., Mom made soup. My job was to make the breadsticks for the meal. Unfortunately, I forgot to oil the pan and forgot to season the breadsticks. I guess I was a little nervous, plus between college, work, and having a mom and younger sister who enjoyed time in the kitchen, I was sorely out of practice. That didn’t seem to deter Carson though he had several of my breadsticks, even though they were so difficult to get out of the pan; there were jokes about needing a pickaxe or sledgehammer.

Bible Study “Dates”

I was guarding my heart; this was just a first meet, so I was skeptical. In fact, I was pretty convinced it wouldn’t work out. I agreed to do Bible studies, though, as a next step. I decided I would order the Discover Bible Guides. I had really enjoyed going through them myself and knew they covered the pillars of what I believed in a good introductory way. The very next Sabbath, my family and I were celebrating at home due to quarantine. I was okay with being extra cautious because I loved the nursing home residents I worked with and knew they were a high-risk group. It was afternoon and we were all watching a sermon on TV when there was a knock on the screen. We had the door open because it was warm. My family said Brittney, it’s for you and I was surprised to be greeted by Carson holding a potted thornless blackberry plant. He asked me about the Bible studies, and I apologized for not having ordered them quite yet. He explained he thought I meant at church, and he had been disappointed because he hadn’t seen me there this morning. I apologized for the misunderstanding and for not clarifying sooner. I explained our choice of quarantine when numbers were up due to my job with the elderly. I was definitely impressed that he had gone to church.

I ended up ordering the studies the next day, and as soon as they came in, I set up a time for us to start. On the first set of lessons, I decided it was a waste of time already. I had done Bible studies once before with a neighbor guy at our last house, who had expressed interest in me, and he made it very clear by the time we reached the Sabbath lesson that he expected me to change, and not the other way around. I convinced myself that Carson would be the same as the neighbor boy. Shortly after we did our first set of lessons(we were doing 2 at a time), I sent him a text saying I didn’t think things would work out, but if he wanted the lessons that I would be willing to give him the whole set. Carson messaged back that he would like that but since we would have to see each other again anyway, could we do the next lesson set together? This surprised me because the neighbor boy had shown no interest in the lessons whatsoever. Of course I agreed, and when he showed up, we did the lessons together. I decided I had been too hasty and apologized. I explained where I was coming from and told him that if he wanted to continue studying with me, I would like that. He told me he thought I had been way too quick to judge, and he would like to continue.

So we did the whole set of Bible studies. Whenever I would have a free day that I knew about ahead of time, I’d message him and we’d do the next set, and when we were done, we would take a walk on the trails behind my parents’ house and talk. When we reached the Sabbath lesson, it didn’t phase him and he didn’t leave; however, I felt like we had missed the whole point when he said, “If there were eight days in a week, I’d work that.” When we got to clean and unclean meats, he let me know he was raising a pig. I knew better than to let my hopes up. When we were over halfway through the lessons, he invited me to meet his family. I politely declined because I did not want to get too committed when we were not on the same page in lifestyle yet. At the end of the lessons, he asked me, “So what now?” (I had mentioned the prophecy study guides earlier, but he hadn’t shown any interest, plus truth and knowledge are only helpful if you’re applying them to your life.) I knew he meant, Where does our relationship go from here? I sighed and let him know that we’d better just remain as friends. We both were sad that evening.

Friend Zoned to A Couple

He stayed in contact through text, messaging me, “Happy Thanksgiving,” and occasionally if he had a really cool tree job, he’d send me the pics. He also sent me a pic of him holding his newborn baby nephew. I sent back short answers and occasionally, pictures of projects I was working on with my little sisters and brother. Eventually, it was February 2021, and I sent him a picture of freshly decorated sugar cookies I had made with the kids, without thinking about it really, they were shaped like hearts. He said that they would go well with the glass of milk he was drinking, and then asked if I would go on a walk with him again someday. I had experienced increasing pain in my feet, especially when being on them all the time at work, which peaked during 2020. I found out after going to the doctors that I had pretty bad bunions on both my feet and needed surgery to correct them. I figured Carson would be a little put off by the fact that I wasn’t perfect and had bad feet at such a young age(silly, I know, but I have seen people deterred by less if they are just after a good time with no commitment). So I texted him that I would be happy to walk with him, but it would have to be in the future because I had a bunionectomy scheduled later that week. He said he was happy to wait.

After that first walk, we saw each other regularly; he would attend church with us and or join us on Sabbath afternoons. He was always fun to be around, and my siblings loved playing games with him. He saw how we lived, what we believed, and grew to enjoy time spent with us on Sabbaths. Eventually, I realized I was growing too fond of Carson. I would need to break off, whatever it was we had, before getting any more attached, because if we weren’t equally yoked, then our relationship wasn’t going anywhere and would only end in heartbreak. I hadn’t told Carson that his not keeping the Sabbath and eating unclean meats were the points that were making us incompatible. I did this because I knew the change wouldn’t last unless it was a commitment made between him and God, not a compromise made for me.

I tried to explain this to my Mom, who had already adopted Carson as a son. She thought I should talk things out with him. I decided she was partially right and that I should have a talk with him about where his heart stood. I went to work that Sunday night for a 12-hour shift and messaged Carson that I’d like to see him on Wednesday, which would be my day off. Little did I know my mom had already called Carson that afternoon as I slept and explained things about the Sabbath, and about me. The next morning, when I got home, before I could even get out of my scrubs and into the shower (the first thing I did once getting home), there was a knock at the door. It was Carson with a new thornless blackberry plant. Mom had told him the last one never got planted and finally died in the pot over the winter.

Carson and I took a walk. I listened in awe as, with a beautifully broken heart, he committed to keeping the sabbath and following God’s health laws. He at first didn’t want to admit that my Mom had spoken with him, but I insisted it was obvious, so he admitted it but told me not to be upset with her because she only did it to help us. He then explained to me that, according to Mom, it sounded like I might be ready to compromise, then he said, “You shouldn’t be the one to change; if anyone is to change, it should be me.” God had been working on his heart; he just hadn’t come to the point of commitment till my Mom spoke with him. I opened my heart to him and even explained why I had been holding back. We agreed to be more open in our communication from then on. We planted the new blackberry together, and he spoke of it as a symbol for our relationship starting anew. I told him not to put so much pressure on me, because the plant might die again. He said that would be alright because we would just keep trying until it took.

I pointed out at the end of our long talk that all the things I had planned to discuss on Wednesday were already resolved, and asked if he would like to make it a date. So we planned our first date. Later, I texted him, clarifying, “Can I tell people you’re my boyfriend now?” and his response was, “Only if I can tell people you’re my girlfriend.”

The Seal: Engagement, Baptism, and a Worthwhile Wait

To be honest later I panicked and told God I was sorry if I stepped ahead of Him in any way and asked for confirmation if Carson was my Mr Right. God impressed my heart first with a new song “Seasons” by Tory Harper especially the verse that says:

“Lord, I’m asking you to loosen up my grasp
So that I can just move past, how I feel
I’d like to live at peace and be just as enthralled
With your ‘yes’, and not at all the same”

Later, God gave me a second confirmation and rebuke in one. I was a little concerned about Carson not having already been an Adventist when we met, and God gave me the verse where John the Baptist is speaking to the Pharisees and Sadducees, and he tells them that fruit in life is more important than titles. “And think not to say within yourselves, We have Abraham to our father: for I say unto you, that God is able of these stones to raise up children unto Abraham.” Matthew 3:9 The Holy Spirit drove the verse home to my heart, “Do not think to say within yourself ‘I’m Adventist’ God is able to make anyone Adventist.”

One month after we officially started dating, we got engaged and set the wedding date for nine months after that. During this time, we went to premarital counseling sessions with our pastor and his wife. They used a wonderful program that had us take a test separately, and then it compared our scores to see what areas we were different in. We were told we were one of the best-matched couples they had ever counseled. The counseling was helpful; it caused us to talk about subjects we hadn’t talked about yet, or even thought of talking about yet. Premarital counseling gave us a good foundation for starting our marriage.

I was a little concerned about the fact that he was not yet a baptized member of the church, but every time I prayed about it, of I felt impressed that the Holy Spirit wanted me to leave that matter between him and Carson, even pastor did not pressure Carson about baptism, he just let him know he was there whenever Carson decided he was ready. Carson surprised me by getting baptized just a couple Sabbaths before our wedding.

Seeing Carson’s heart change and his commitment sealed through baptism just weeks before the wedding confirmed what I had learned: God had been working all along. Our wedding was beautiful, and when we shared our first kiss on that day, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that every year, every doubt, and every moment of waiting was worth it.

“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”

Psalms 37:4-5